So I Have Mental Illness…

On Sunday morning I shared something with my congregation that I had never publically put to words: “Your pastor has mental illness.”

I began a 4-part sermon series on stress, specifically how to transform stress into happiness. I’ve learned quite a bit about stress management and transformation through my battles with major depressive disorder, also known as clinical depression. So to offer some ethos and pathos to the subject matter, i.e. Yes, your pastor really does know what he’s talking about and can personally relate to you!, I mentioned to my congregation a disease I have which has been with me through most of my adult life. It’s been my number-one health concern.

4BA14C90-4F39-4843-B992-47F130771228There have been several times that depression took me to the depths of suicidal ideation. Several years ago I was even admitted for a week at an inpatient mental health care hospital for debilitating depression and suicidal intentions. Antidepressants to keep my brain chemistry at good, balanced levels have been a regular part of my wellbeing.

Presently, I’m doing really well. I treat depression with a daily morning dose of antidepressants. I watch for the signs and triggers that pull me down into depression— things like extra stress. I surround myself with plenty of accountability from people like my wife and a handful of close friends. And when life throws a vicious curveball or my brain chemistry somehow gets out of whack, I bring my doctor and therapist into my support network, too.

I mention all this, not to garner sympathy or to create a stir, but to continue my work of casting a luminous light on the most shadowed, closeted, and one of the most prevalent health concerns many of us face. We see the terrible effects of it when someone like Kate Spade takes her own life or when someone violently acts out, causing massive human carnage. We see it in the lives of most of our homeless neighbors. Mental illness affects community and world leaders, celebrities, stay-home parents, teenagers, corporate executives, and yes, clergy like me.  It takes the shape of depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, PTSD, eating disorders, schizophrenia, mood disorders, and a whole host of other diagnoses. For far too long now, mental illness has been badly misunderstood and unfairly scrutinized, resulting in a social environment in which critically needed support for those suffering from mental illness and and their caregivers becomes extremely difficult to find.

That is especially true in the church. In the church, much shame surrounds mental illness.

I’ve often called depression a disease of double shame. There’s the inward shame of worthlessness, hopelessness, apathy, emptiness and nothingness. Then there’s the outward shame, the things explicitly said or subtly  implied that depression is a result of spiritual and moral failure: “Just give it to God in prayer and you’ll feel better.” “True believers always have joy.” “Real Christians don’t get depressed.” “Depression is a separation from God.” “Just be grateful. Just keep your chin up. Trust God.”— implications that I can’t do or haven’t already done those things.

It’s time to come to grips with the truth that mental illness of any kind is not spiritual or moral failure. It doesn’t indicate innate character, moral, spiritual or emotional flaws any more grievous than anyone else’s. It is, quite simply, bad brain chemistry brought on sometimes situationally, most often as a chronic condition, or both.

So how can faith communities and any other forms of human community care for people with mental illness and their loved ones? Several key things come to mind (no pun intended):

1) Put aside your assumptions. Listen and learn. Misinformation has created the stereotypical perceptions we commonly use to frame mental illness. Throw those out, and offer the gift of deep listening and a willingness to learn. What’s it like? What does it mean and not mean? How do we cope and live? Let us, we who have mental illness and our loved ones, show you our world and how we struggle.

2) Abandon judgmentalism. (See #1.) In addition, avoid finger pointing and fault finding.

3) Be a companion on the journey. Attempting to give advice, thinking that the right words will make it better, or coming with any attitude that you’re “here to help” only makes things worse. Think of it as coming alongside as a friend. Deeply listen. Listen to understand. Give us space when needed. Show compassion in simple, practical ways. But remember: we’re not your problem to fix. Only God can do that through a whole network of supportive care. And you may be blessed to be one of those people.

4) Be an advocate. Look out for people with mental illness. When you can, speak up to protect our dignity and correct misperceptions. Help others to understand what mental illness is and isn’t.

The healing balm for mental illness is the persistent, gentle light of understanding love, quality medical care, time and space. I know this full well. I’m here today because of it.

And I can also say that we who have mental illness can live happy, productive, deeply spiritual lives. I’ve learned a lot about light and darkness, life and death, pain and healing, salvation and redemption through my ups and downs with mental illness. Those are lessons I would never give back, and for which I am deeply grateful. These are gifts that can richly bless the world, too. That’s my hope.

 

 

 

 

Advertisements

15 Comments

Filed under Christian thought, Reflections

15 responses to “So I Have Mental Illness…

  1. Carol H A Serb

    Chris, I applaud your talking about this. I believe the waves will go out to help sooo many people in ways maybe even you cannot imagine! So, to me your 4 key things we can do apply to oh so many illnesses, and situations and stresses! Grace and blessings to you as you share!

    • Thank you, Carol! I thank you and Tom for being there for the the first time I ever experienced real depression. That was one of my first learning lessons: keep myself surrounded by loving accountability. And you all did that so well.

  2. JOYE F JONES

    I, too, have the same disease. I have spoken of it from the pulpit, and in private counseling sessions with members. Thanks, my brother.

    • I never knew that— not that this is something brought up in casual conversation, as you know! Thank you for being you, Joye. See, I knew there was a really good reason I like you so much!

  3. Me, too (in a different sense than #metoo). Thank God, I’m doing really well and have been stable for many years, with a little blip about 5 years ago. Ok, maybe a bigger blip, but I got through it by the grace of God, who used therapists, medication, loving friends and family, lots of hard work, significant risk, and a semi-career change. I left the pastoral ministry, went back to school for a degree in pastoral counseling, and now practice as a licensed counselor. I find my work immensely satisfying and useful, and yes, I’m very happy – at least most days. Chris and others, I respect your vulnerability, and I know the power it has to reduce the stigma of mental illness, treatment, and psychiatric medication. So, in the interest of healing, I’m honored to add my name and story to the list of commenters on your blog. Peace, y’all!

    • Thank you, Mark! You are a living testament to the truth of Christ’s healing and hope and the way that even an illness like this can shape our lives in a way makes room for us to be an even greater blessing. I thank God for you- for your life and for being my colleague and friend.

  4. Twanda Prioleau

    Thanks for your honesty and vulnerability. This is confirmation that I need to share my story. #Metoo

    • Please, please do! If for nothing else, it affirms for people like me that there is another precious sister on the journey towards wholeness. And I find it’s a source of liberation and hope for many others, too. Thank you, Twanda!

  5. Dorothea

    Thanks Chris for sharing your story. It’s needed and I applaud you for being bold and transparent. May God continue to use you and all clergy as we continue “to serve this present age,” even in our brokenness.
    At Clinton UMC, we have a Mental Health Ministry, which is an asset to the overall mission and ministry of the church. We have addressed and continue to address depression and other mental health illnesses. Also, we’re a part of NAMI of Prince George’s County and the National NAMI Organization.
    Again, thanks and continue being a light in the midst of darkness.

    Co-laborers in the ministry,
    Dorothea

    • That is so wonderful to hear, Dorothea! Thank you. Trinity UMC is looking to involved ourselves with NAMI, too. We have an Anne Arundel County branch here. Blessings to you, my sister!

  6. Rebecca Vardiman

    Chris, I thank you too for your honest witness. So many more people deal with mental health issues than we know! My own family is riddled with manic-depression. I ache for my sister and niece who died from suicide but did nothing to deserve their sufferings.

    • Rebecca, it seems like some families have more presence of mental illness than others. Depression is common in my family, too. I can only imagine how painful it was for you to lose your sister and niece to suicide. One of the things that has kept me healthy and away from that dark path is the pain I would inevitably cause a lot of people if I took my own life. Thank you for sharing your life and story with me, Rebecca. Many blessings to you and your family!

  7. Pingback: The Lies of Suicide | Pastor Chris Owens - - Musings, Rants, and Reflections

  8. Thank you, thank you! I appreciate this on so many levels… not only that you’re sharing your story, but that you’re sharing your story with your church and letting them know you in this way. God bless!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s